The Couch

Regulus nodded and wrapped his arms around his knees, looking emo and sad. Eowy magicks eyeliner onto him. Yeah. That sad and emo. "Viktor keeps saying that Sirius cares about me, but Cissa- you've seen how he's always treated me, since we were kids. You know he didn't say a word the night he left- he just walked out. And this year, when we saw each other- he just told me he hated me, and that kind of thing. I just- I can't force myself to forgive him."

Narcissa represses the sudden urge to paint his nails black to match his eyeliner. Yeah, my characters like nail polish. What about it? "Regulus, I think you should give him time. You know, I'm sure he was saying those things out of spite or anger or something. Nobody ever means to say those things--they just blurt them out. But... I mean, I'm certainly not going to push you two together and wait until you make up and hug, because you know what's right and wrong and you have the power to rekindle or end the relationship between you and Sirius. Do you want to be friends with him?"

"Honestly? No. I don't. Especially not now. Not with that mental image in my head- of him- of them- ugh," he groaned, looking green in the face. "It doesn't bother me that Sirius did it. I'd expect nothing less from him. But Viktor? He wouldn't do that to piss me off- he'd do it because he wanted to do it. Do you think there's something going on between them? Do you think Viktor wants Sirius, instead of me?"

"Of course not, Regulus! It was in the past, wasn't it? I mean, he's already picked you. He loves you. I can tell; I mean, I have Women's Intuition, which means I know everything. And, there is no way that Viktor is going to go back to Sirius after he's worked so hard to get you back. He probably was like, drunk or horny or something. Guys do that, right?"

"He did say it didn't mean anything," he said with a slightly less disheartened look on his face. "I guess you're right. It was just one stupid kiss, right? And he loves me, and he's with me," he said out loud, trying to remind himself of the things he already knew.

Narcissa saw the look of doubt on his face. "You'll be fine, Regulus. Seriously, you two are so cute together. Sirius and Viktor? OMGSOSEXYWANT Ew. No thank you. That'd be such a-- nevermind. Anywho, the Gods of Partnerships and Eternal Love wouldn't let them happen. They think you two are better together, I bet."

Regulus looks mildly encouraged by this and hugs Narcissa. "Thanks, Cissa. I really do love him, can you tell, when I'm with him? They're always saying how happy I am around him."

"Can I tell? Puh-lease. You look like a kitten who happened to live in Happy Land and just snorted cotton candy after being told that he's also a magical unicorn that can fly and create rainbows when he poops. Yeah. That happy."

Regulus grins sheepishly and nods. "That's about how he makes me feel. Um- there's something you should know, actually. I talked to him, about what would happen when my mum and dad found out- about- you know," he said awkwardly, knowing Narcissa would understand. "He asked me to come live with him this summer, since I'd need a place to stay anyway- he's getting his own place, he's graduating this year- and I told him I'd love that," he said, waiting to see her reaction.

Narcissa morphs from sad to happy to understanding, all in one go. "Well, I mean... I have no say in it, right? I have to agree, though--your parents would not take it lightly. But... What will you tell them? I mean, saying 'I'm off to live with my boyfriend' isn't going to go over very well..."

[... -is heartbroken- I WANNA MAKE UP!!!!! -sobs-]

Regulus sighed and stared at the ground. "I think the whole 'I'm gay' bit should come before that. Then I won't have to tell them I'm leaving, I'll be on the doorstep already," he said with a sad smile.

"Reg, you know I'll do whatever is in my power, right? I'll lie to them, I will! I could tell them you're staying at a friend's house, or that a foreign Quidditch scout saw you play in a game and wants you to go to a Quidditch camp. Anything. I'd rather have you not get kicked out, you know?"

[RAWRR. APPARENTLY I HAVE TO GO TO BED SO I'LL TRY TO SNEAK ON IN A BIT AFTER MY MOM HAS GONE TO BED, IF THAT'S OKAY?]

[I GOTTA GO TO BED IT'S OKAY BYE]

Regulus smiled slightly at her, but shook his head. "It's only a matter of time before they find out- I've been open about it. They'll hear."

Narcissa looked at him, a bit seriously. "I could cut off their ears, if you wanted. Then they wouldn't hear."

Regulus stared hard at Narcissa. "Who are you, and what have you done with my sweet, innocent older cousin? Violence was always MY answer, not yours."

"I guess you've rubbed off on me, then," she smirks. "And nobody fucks with my Reg... Unless he's Viktor, I guess, but you get my point."

[Eowyn kills herself because she totally forgot her EPIC reply to that. So she will reply but it will not be epic.]

"Damn straight. You better not get in the way of Viktor, me, and fucking, because there would be hell to pay, and I'd hate to feed you to a three headed dog named Fluffy, but there is just no stopping that aspect of my life, because without Viktor, me, and fucking, I would go through massively horrible withdrawal and I would curl up into a little ball and sob myself into insanity because if there is no fucking from Viktor, there is no logical sense in the world, because the only thing that has ever made sense is Viktor and I together, yes it is, and that will just not change-- OH MY GOD I JUST SAID THAT ALL OUT LOUD DIDN'T I OH MY MERLIN OH MY-- Fuck," he says, burying his face in his hands and turning bright red. "You didn't need to hear that..."

Narcissa looks a bit scared for a moment. "Yes, you did." she blinks. "So, I take it that without Viktor, you would be one extremely sexually frustrated kid? Or has Viktor just turned you sex-crazed?"

Regulus looked up at her wide eyed, not quite sure how on earth he ended up talking about his sex life with the girl he used to play Barbies with. Wait- we played Barbies, and I didn't know I was gay? Good grief. "I don't think I have the words to explain it. Before Viktor, there was nothing. Well there was Dee, but that was with a GIRL and it was so ICKY I can't even BEGIN to describe it. Then there was Viktor, and I don't think it's physically possible to separate me from my seme, because I do believe I am addicted, and even if I weren't, we'd probably be doing it just as often as we do now because he's awful and cruel and mean and he KNOWS I can't resist him so he teases me and he's awful and I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way and it takes him all of three seconds to convince me because he's just THAT GOOD oh my god I have completely lost my mind I can't stop talking oh my Merlin I think I need a sedative of some sort before I start rambling even more and god forbid I breathe another word about my sex life or you'll either keel over from shock or pass out or just be scarred for life-- ACK!" Regulus does not consider the possibility that the mental image might just kill Narcissa entirely, because cousins or not, Krack is sexy as hell.

Narcissa looks at him wide-eyed, as if she's entirely shocked, before bursting into laughter. "Regulus, it's okay. Seriously. I'm not a six year old--I know where babies come from. You don't need to like, censor yourself for me... And you guys are kinda really sexy together. Just saying. Not to make that sound weird. But... You get my point, right?"

Regulus has rarely been so red in the face as he stares at her equally wide eyed. "... I still don't think you'd appreciate the details on that time underwater in the cove in the lake or the time in the locker room or actually there are like fifty times in the locker room or the time on the quidditch pitch last night or the-- I should stop now before I need to chuck myself off the astronomy tower."

"Reg, I'm a girl. It'd be weird if I didn't like those sorts of pairings." she said. It IS normal for girls to like yaoi, right? God I hope I'm not the only one. "Really. I do not mind at all. AT. ALL. LIKE, IF YOU WANT TO TELL ME, FEEL FREE. PLEASE."

Regulus looks at her and facepalms. "Is this what Fabian does to Viktor, when he begs him for details!? YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT IF HE GETS TO SHARE AND EMBARRASS ME SO DO I only I won't embarrass him the man brags about it what a jerk god I love him. He's amazing, Narcissa- he's got the sexiest body in the world and he knows how to use every last bit of it and he's such a tease and he turns me into such a slut and I can't help it, he's impossible to resist! He's so manly and powerful- and let's just say, his quidditch skills aren't always displayed on the pitch, as much as they are in the locker room- he's bloody amazing."

Narcissa is vaguely reminded of some sort of library scene with Fabian and Caradoc, but she couldn't possibly be reminded of that because she has no idea who either of them is, besides the fact that Fabian was just mentioned by Regulus. She giggles. "Really? Well, he is rather toned-- where else have you done it? I mean, you said, like, underwater, locker room..."