Boy's Dormitory 1 (Sev, Draco, Angel, Blaise) [NC-17]

Well, I think this is pre-Sansy. We should wrap this up and make them talk again so she can tell him, probably.

"Don't be afraid of him. You have nothing to fear, he can't hurt you. He can try, with his words, but we both know you're above that. It'd sting, a little, but you know your true worth. Don't let him get to you, Pansy. He hurt you with Granger, didn't he? And what happened with Blaise is worse than what happened with us. With us, it meant nothing, nothing at all. It was just one stupid, drunken night. He has no need to fear anything, and I'm obviously no threat to him. I wouldn't want to get between you two, unlike Zabini. It was one meaningless night, and it would be easier for him to forget than the other. If he can forgive you for that, he can forgive you for this."

Next time she talks to him, I was going to have it post-divorce, actually. Maybe this can be after Sansy because she really has been beating herself up pretty good, and I think she wouldn't be quite that bad if it was just getting with Sev that was worrying her. *shrugs* She doesn't want to tell anyone about Sansy until she talks to Draco first.

Pansy sat up, shaking her head. "He can hurt me, Sev. Not physically, not really. He could leave me, though." She turned to Sev, putting Draco's pillow behind her back in its place. "That would be worse than any name he could call me or anything he could say to me, because what do I have left then?" She dropped her eyes to her hands where the ring still shone on her finger. "Nothing. Our night may have meant nothing, but I was married to him. I'd promised him forever, and I've blown it." Pansy knew she had to figure out where Draco was right now. She needed to get to him and talk to him, even if it meant what she dreaded most in this world would happen.

Fine with me.

Severus paled and leaned over to hug her tightly for a moment, waiting for her to let go, rather than pulling away himself. "You have yourself, Pansy. You're a beautiful, strong woman, even without him. You'll remember that, after a while, I promise. It'll hurt like hell and you'll feel lost, but someone like you will always find her place. And as your friend, I wouldn't let you waste away. You promised him forever, but he promised you he'd be there. Where is he, Pansy?"

Pansy wrapped her arms around him as he hugged her, a little surprised when he didn't let go quickly like he usually did. "Sometimes I wonder why you're so nice to me." She didn't let go yet, fearing that there were tears forming in her eyes and she wouldn't let him see that. She blinked a few times, making sure all was clear before she sat up again. "I don't know, Sev. But I need to find him. Whatever's going to happen, I have to talk to him. He needs to know and I need to deal with it."

"Why am I nice to you? You're my best friend, and have been for so long. Of course I'm nice to you, silly," he said affectionately, running a hand through her hair and tucking it behind her ear. "And you've been more than nice to me, you've been so good to me, and done so much for me. It's only right that I'd do the same for you." Severus paused, looking at her hard and realizing just how near to actual tears she was. "You're brave, Pansy Flower. Going up to him and owning up. You're a better person than most, for that; most people would lie and hide, but you're above that. Hopefully he respects your honor, at the least," he said in a soft, soothing voice. "No matter what happens, it'll be alright, and I'll be your friend."

"My one and only, probably. I'm afraid I've managed to push everyone else away with one thing or another since I've gotten married to Draco. Some days I wonder if that was the biggest mistake I've made. Which would be saying something considering how much of a screwup I've become." She rubbed the inner corner of her eye quickly, trying to pass it off as an itch rather than an attempt to shove a tear back inside. "But thank you, Sev. For always being there no matter how stupid I am. I really do owe you for everything you've done."

"No, you don't. I'm still repaying you, for all the times you had my back, the times you've saved me from myself. And you're not a screwup, either. You're the same wonderfully dangerous woman you always were, you're just... going through a rough time. You'll be alright, Pansy, mistake or not, what's done is done. And Pansy," he said, reaching up to pull away her hand and wipe away her tear with his own finger, "I'll be here for you, and I'll take care of you. You never let anyone take care of you, no one but Draco, and he's not here to do that. So I will, because that's what real friends do." He looked at her in her glistening eyes sadly, wishing he could kiss away her tears, or at least help her let them go, but knowing that if she would, it was up to her to let herself do it. "You don't need to be strong around me, like you always are. It's okay, to let it go, just for a bit."

"Severus, if I start, I'll never stop. I can't." Pansy took a slow breath, trying to contain herself. She couldn't put this off any longer. She had to go find Draco, wherever he was. "I should go. I've got to find him and I have no idea where to start looking. I guess I'll go by the Manor and see if his mother knows anything." She slipped her legs off the side of the bed, standing up slowly. "Who knows. I can hope for a miracle, I suppose. Maybe he still loves my screwup self." She shook her head at him. "No, I really am a screwup. Don't tell me I'm not." She picked up one of her sweaters off the floor by Draco's bed, slipping it over her head. "I should be back in a few days at the most depending on how hard it is to find him and what happens when I do."

"I'll tell you that you aren't if I damn well want to, because I don't think you are. But I suppose you're right, you should go. Just know that I'll be here waiting, alright, no matter what happens," he said, standing up and tossing a few chocolate frogs at her. "Here, something for the trip," he said with a smile. "Keep your chin up, alright? You'll be okay, I promise," he said insistently, walking over to give her a brief hug and kiss on the cheek. "No matter what happens to you, I'll be your friend. And we'll do stupid shit and I'll pretend I'm a frog again, just for you, Flower," he said with a short laugh. "Take care."

Pansy caught the boxes he tossed at her, leaning thankfully into his hug. She even laughed when he mentioned doing crazy things and acting like a frog again, but the laugh moved her cheeks and let the tear that was waiting in her right eye fall down her cheek. "I'll be back soon." She hurried out the door toward her own dormitory, where she shoved a few things and a change of clothes in a bag before heading back out of the common room and off Hogwarts grounds, headed for Malfoy Manor.

Severus sighed and left the dorm.

Pansy slipped into the boys' dormitory and began gathering her things from the floor around Draco's bed. A few sweaters, a pair of shoes, sunglasses and a hairbrush. She opened his trunk and pulled things out, sorting out what was hers and what was his, shoving her things all in a pile to take back to her own dormitory. She sat down on the side of his bed, glancing at the framed picture he kept on his bedside table. It was the two of them, hugging. He'd picked her up and was spinning her, her legs stretched out behind her. They were smiling. Laughing. Staring each other in the eyes as if they'd never let go, never give up what they had. As if they'd be in love forever. She picked it up and stared at it, her face stoic. She didn't move at all for the longest time.


Sev?

WAY TO MAKE ME ALMOST HALFWAY GET TO TEARING UP AT YOUR POSTS. WAY TO GO. NOW I'M SAD.
LIKE REALLY REALLY SAD.

Severus walked into his dorm with a large stack of books in his arms, and gently placed them on a small table as he looked up to see Pansy. "Pansy Flower," he breathed, horrified at how she looked, knowing how awful she must be feeling, the way she sat expressionless, instead of angry or upset. She was beyond that, at this point. He slowly walked over to her and silently sat down beside her, wrapping her in a warm embrace without words.

I do what I can. XD

Pansy drew a shaky breath, not taking her eyes off the picture. Why had she done this? How could she be so stupid to miss what she had, to be an idiot while he was gone and lose it all for herself? She leaned over and rested her head on Severus's shoulder, refusing to take her eyes off the picture. It was like torturing herself, watching them frozen in a time that they were happy. Just a few days after they'd gotten married and were having the time of their lives in Paris together. Eventually the tears came, her lip trembling a little as they fell from her eyes. She didn't bother to wipe them away, one of them dropping onto the glass of the photo frame.

Also this sort of fits for Pansy. Plus I've just been listening to it all day.

Oh, I like it. I should get more of their music. What album/songs?

Severus sighed and kept his arms around her, moving one to brush the hair out of her eyes as he kissed her lightly on the forehead, hating that all he could do was sit here, watching her cry helplessly. A hand reached up to wipe away her tears, then rested on her hand, patting it gently in a comforting manner. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly, wishing he knew some way to make it all better for her, wishing that she could just be happy. He thought about trying to take the picture away, but figured it would only result in making things worse, and so he stared at it with her, knowing that the scene it held would never happen again.

They've only got that one album, I think. Songs on it: Before the Worst, Break Even, The End Where I Begin, Fall for Anything, I'm Yours, If You See Kay, Live Like We're Dying, Lose Yourself, The Man Who Can't be Moved, None the Wiser, Rusty Halo, Talk You Down, We Cry. And I like them all... XD

Pansy shook her head and attempted to take a deep breath, only resulting in a sort of strange gasping noise. She stood up and tried to pile all her things in her arms, keeping the picture on top of the stack. She hardly looked away from it, even as she was kneeling on the floor, grasping around her, searching blindly for things she could only guess where there in her peripheral vision. "Don't be sorry, Sev." She only whispered, and even so it was barely audible. She glanced away from the picture for a moment to look up at him, grabbing a shirt off the bed. "I did it to myself."

Severus sighed and shook his head, taking her by the hands and dragging her to his own bed, neatly made, unlike Draco's. "Sit. I'll be damned if I let you go anywhere like that," he said, bending down to pick up her things and pile them on Draco's bed, before coming to sit next to her, arms around her again. "I'd get the frogs, but I somehow don't see them helping, Flower. Shh, I'm here," he murmured, holding her tightly in some desperate attempt to keep her safe, from god only knew what.

Pansy didn't say anything. There was no point. There was nothing she could say. It wasn't unfair, or unexpected, or unwarranted. But that didn't make it any easier. The worst part was when she wondered what Draco was doing at home, if he cried as much as she did, or if he was over it already. Somehow she didn't think so. The way he'd looked at her when she told him was enough to know better than that. She'd hurt him, and bad. Worse than anyone had ever hurt him before, or would ever hurt him again. He had really and truly loved her, and she him, and it was all thrown away in one drunken night and one stupid stupid shower. Pansy fell into Severus's chest, breaking down like she'd never allowed herself to before, mourning not exactly for herself, but for her marriage and for Draco, what she'd done to him.

Severus looked down in shock at the girl sobbing in his arms, a sickening feeling in his stomach as he attempted to comprehend her pain. He kept his arms locked around her tightly, rubbing her back and tangling his fingers in her hair, keeping it out of her eyes, so it didn't get wet from her salty tears, and tucking it behind her ear as he ran his fingers through it. He leaned down and kissed her on the top of her head again, disturbed to realize that there were tears in his own eyes, at seeing her so broken, so hurt here, in his arms, when he could do nothing simply because he wasn't the one she needed. He couldn't be there for Remus, because he couldn't give him what he needed, and Lily hadn't been able to give him what he'd needed, and here he was, with Pansy in his arms, the same situation, all over again. But he would be what he could be, for her at least, just as he was being all he could for Remus. At least for her, she could do so much more than he could do for his other love-- here, in the dorm, he could hold her, and he could wipe away her tears, and keep her here for as long as she needed and wanted him, be it a minute, an hour, all night, it didn't matter, he'd hold her and hug her, and be the friend she needed. "I'm here," he whispered softly, taking a soft tissue from the table beside them and dabbing at her tear streaked cheeks. "I'm here."

It felt like hours that she cried. She had no comprehension of time, as seconds felt like hours, hours like minutes, nothing made sense anymore. She clung to him desperately, as if she was afraid he would disappear from her grasp and leave her here so close to Draco's bed, alone. She knew she was probably soaking his shirt, but she couldn't be bothered to do anything about it. For the first time in her life, she just wanted to cry. She just wanted to let it all out until she couldn't anymore. Until she could finally put it behind her and move on and try to forget about him. But she could never forget about him. He had too much on an impact on her, he had done so much for her, had loved her so perfectly. She hated herself for screwing that up, and she couldn't even put the blame on anything but herself. Sure, she was drunk with Severus, but she was conscious of what she was doing. She could handle her alcohol. It was no excuse. And she hadn't even had a sip with Scorpius, that had just happened and she hadn't even thought about stopping it. She told him to prove himself, like some idiot. She wasn't single. She was married. But most of all she was stupid. She wrapped her arms around his sides, her tears finally slowing. At least until she was alone again in her room tonight, when she could look at the picture again, when she could see what she'd killed with her actions and what she could never have back.

Severus patiently held her, stroking her hair affectionately as he let her cry it all out, sighing as she finally started to calm herself. He reached over for a nearby glass of water and tilted her chin up to look at him. "Drink, you'll feel better," he said kindly, taking another tissue and wiping away at the remaining tears with as much gentleness as he could manage, with his careful fingers.

Pansy took carefully measured breaths, trying to calm herself. She sat up, wiping her fingers at his shirt where it was rather wet. "Sorry." She still whispered, afraid of talking any louder should it lead to more tears. She took the glass from him and took a small sip, staring at her pile of things on Draco's bed. She shut her eyes, pulling her legs up onto Sev's bed and turning away from her things, stacked to be separated from Draco's things. She didn't want to look at it. "I guess I don't have to tell you Draco and I are over. He needs someone who will actually treat him right for once."

"Don't apologize to me for anything, Pansy Flower, you've done me no wrong. And he's not the only one who needs someone right now," he said softly, cuddling her close. "You need someone to treat you right be by being there for you to depend upon. I'll be there for you, okay?" he said assuringly, not giving a damn about his shirt as he grabbed a soft blanket and draped it around her, so she didn't feel so chill, being rather dank in the dungeons. He embraced her again tentatively, not wanting to upset her anymore than she already was. "I'm your friend, still." He would have asked if there was anything he could do, but he knew there simply wasn't. His mind drifted back to the time long ago she'd come to save him from himself at the Hog's Head. She'd made him pancakes, hadn't she? Left them out for him, while she waited downstairs in the morning. Merlin, she was so good to him, and he'd do the same for her now that the time had come.

Omg the pancakes at the Hogs Head. I am really really really going to miss this friendship.

Pansy stayed silent, as no words could properly express how thankful she was for someone like him right now, who loved her essentially unconditionally no matter what had happened, who would let her fully break down in his arms and soak through his shirt. She figured even if she'd started throwing things, even if it were his things, he wouldn't have minded to terribly so long as she didn't break anything important. But she was too exhausted for that even if she wanted to. Pansy had discovered that crying took a lot out of you and she felt like she'd just rather sleep for days on end than get up and go about her life. She nearly reprimanded herself for feeling that way, thinking of it as a sign of weakness. But who cares anymore? She was weak. She had given in to boys who came onto her while she was married to the one of her dreams, and she was here in the arms of one of them, a sobbing mess. Well, not sobbing anymore, but that was the idea. "Sev, thank you. I know I've told you so many times, but I can never thank you enough."

... It can't be reformed?!? -tear- Probably not... I WILL SO TRY.

Severus stayed silent and hugged her close, resting her head on his chest as he patted her wordlessly, before finally speaking. "I'll be here for as long as you want and need me, okay?" he said, drawing the blanket closer around her as he leaned back against the wall. "Stay the night if you need, I'm here. You don't need to be alone," he said firmly as he used his wand to dim the light in the room, seeing as it had long since grown dark. "Would you like something to eat? Even chocolate? Or if you're feeling adventurous, I'm pretty sure I've got some Bertie Bott's around here someplace," he joked lamely, his mind flickering to that lovely time in the hospital wing where they'd experimented with them together, while Lily lay in a bed. They hadn't even been drunk then, they were just having fun together, and it had been wonderful. He briefly wondered how long it would be until she smiled like that again, and hoped it wouldn't be long at all-- in fact, he was just hoping that it this point, he'd get her to smile at all.