The Svetkova house & Kras' apartment

Reed smiled when Kras whined a little. "Okay, I'll sing for you. But only if you promise to drink some water and eat a little first. Do we have a deal?" He smiled a little more and held his hand out for Kras to shake. He already had a song in mind, and hoped it would be okay to sing right now. He continued to smiled at Kras while he waited for his boyfriend to make the deal with him.

Kras pouted and sighed. "But I'm not all that hungry or thirsty right now...oh alright." He only gave in because he really wanted to hear Reed sing. "I promise I'll eat and drink something." He couldn't promise he would stay awake though. It might not be something he could control right now, as dizzy as he was.

Reed laughed victoriously. "Okay. I'll be right back. Do not fall asleep." And with that he scrambled off the bed and sprinted to other room, grabbing the glass of water and crackers before running back. He was surprised he didn't fall or drop the water or anything like he would normally do, and he actually looked pretty impressed with himself. "Okay. Here you go, and that glass of water better be gone by the time I'm done. Start with the crackers, and maybe I can find something else to make you in a little bit, okay? I'm watching you." He gave Kras a stern look and bent over to kiss his cheek. "Okay, I'll sing now. This song has actually been stuck in my head for a while now, and well it makes me think of you." He blushed a little. "And sorry it probably won't be any good with out any music or anything. Right, I'm stalling now." He shook his head and cleared his throat then started singing softly.

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I'm leavin' my life in your hands
People say I'm crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance
And how you got me blind is still a mystery
I can't get you out of my head
Don't care what is written in your history
As long as you're here with me

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

Reed smiled and started singing a bit louder. He even started dancing a little, even though there was no music.

Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it's deep within me
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run
It seems like we're meant to be

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

I've tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you're comin from
I don't care, as long as you love me, baby

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me
As long as you love me

When he was done he continued smiling down at Kras, hoping he liked the song. He went and sat on the edge of the bed and took one of Kras' hands in his.

Kras pouted when Reed told him not to fall asleep and that he'd be watching him. There went that plan. As soon as Reed had returned, Kras obediently started drinking the water. Okay...so maybe it helped a bit. As Reed started singing Kras nommed on the crackers and worked to finish the water so Reed would be proud of him. Kras didn't want to fail him again, especially with something a simple as consuming some food and water. He managed to finish the water half way through Reed's song. He ended up setting the crackers aside though cause he really just wasn't hungry. Silent tears slid down his face as Reed sang. Reed singing that...it made him feel better. Helped him start thinking that maybe he did deserve to be loved as much as Reed loved him, something he knew he wanted more than anything in the world. And it was a love that Kras wanted to be able to return just as deeply. Once Reed finished and took his hand again, Kras pulled Reed closed and kissed him deeply before starting to sob. He clung to Reed tightly, terrified that for some reason someone or something might just come and take his boyfriend away from him. It felt like ages until finally his sobs subsided and he sniffed sadly, his grip still not loosening on Reed. "I'm sorry." he finally managed to choke out. "I feel like such an idiot for causing you so much vorry. And I guess you must be slightly upset that I hadn't told you the entire story about my...my cousin's death. I'm sorry."

[*huggles Kras*]

Reed was happy when Kras responded with the deep kiss, and he returned it just as passionately. He felt his heart break a little when Kras started sobbing, but he knew it was a turning point, that he needed to get it out. Reed held onto him tightly, rubbing his back and whispering things like "I'm right here" and "It's okay." He was just going to let him cry it out, and just simply be here for him. When Kras apologized Reed shook his head. "Shh, don't apologize. I know it's probably hard to talk about. I'm sorry that prick of a doctor caused you so much pain today. Don't worry though, your father and I took care of him." He smirked a little again, before kissing Kras on the lips again. He pulled away a little and used his thumb to wipe some of Kras' tears away.

[*huggles everyone* hehe]

Kras managed a smile when he heard that Reed had helped his father take care of the doctor. "My hero." He kissed Reed again, smiling. "I just...you didn't deserve to go through all that, hearing all that. And honestly..." he looked down guiltily, "I vosn't planning on telling you ever, because not only did I just not vant to talk about it, I also really didn't vant you to know vot a failure I had been. I...there should have been so much more I could have done for her." His voice grew quiet. "There vosn't much I could do at the time though cause I vos in so much pain and bleeding so badly." Kras laid back and tugged Reed down with him, hoping Reed would let them cuddle now that he had finished some water and managed to eat at least a little bit of food. His body still ached but it was the punishment he needed to feel since he had failed again, so he wasn't going to point it out. After a few days if he still hurt he could always go to the school nurse. "And then...ven she died...I vos unable to stop thinking 'vy her? vy not me?' She vos the nicest, prettiest girl I had ever met in my ten years of life and I couldn't understand vy she vos suddenly just..not alive anymore ven she deserved to be. And my aunt...I had promised her I vould take care of Liv. I vosn't dumb back then, I knew von day everyvon expected Liv and I to get married. So, me being me, I figured I should start vatching over her right then and there and make sure nothing bad happened to her. Then the incident happened and I felt like such a failure..." he choked on a small sob. "That's vy, vonce my aunt adopted Galina, I promised that nothing bad vould ever happen to her. And I swear I'll stick by vot I promised. I've helped Elisa take care of Gali ever since that first day ven Elisa brought her home and I try to be the best older brotherly figure I can. She deserves it. Even more so because of her situation from before being adopted."

Reed thought Kras should probably eat something more, but he seemed to want to talk right now, and he wasn't going to interrupt that. He snuggled closely to Kras, holding onto him tightly as he listened. He sighed when Kras was finished and propped himself up so he could look down at Kras. "Please don't blame yourself. You said it yourself, there wasn't anything you could do. I don't understand how the world works sometimes, and what happened was absolutely terrible. But you can't go on blaming yourself. And I certainly don't want you going on thinking you don't deserve to be loved, because you do. I mean, look at all the people around you. Your father loves you so much, he told me. And all your little cousins that completely look up to you, your neighbors that were thrilled to see you again. Your best friend Andrei, and me of course. We all love you so much, and it makes us sad to see you sad." He leaned down and kissed Kras lightly once and pulled back. "You are absolutely amazing with Galina too. I can tell she adores you, and I really adore watching you with her." He really did love watching Kras with the littler girl because it made him realize that he actually did want children someday, and he would love more than anything if Kras would be the one he had kids with.

[*is currently distracted by Ghost Hunters* XD]

Kras looked up at Reed and watched him as he spoke. Sometimes he just liked watching Reed speak. Of course he was listening at the same time. "I'm sorry." He couldn't help it, but he knew he could get better. He had Reed. "Reed..." Kras took his boyfriend's face in his hands and gazed into his eyes for a few seconds, "I love you. That vos completely stupid of my doctor to suggest I vos faking that. I love you. And I know it's hard for me to accept sometimes that I'm allowed to be loved just as much, but I vant to. I vant to be able to because I vant you to love me." God, he was struggling to stay awake right now. "If you're villing to put up vith me vorking to get better then I promise you I'll do the best I can."

[That's okay *is watching So You Think You Can Dance*]

Reed felt that familiar ache in his chest when Kras stared deep into his eyes. He smiled a little. "Don't worry, I gave that doctor a nice little...talking to." He blushed a little when he thought of how his anger had taken over. "And I love you too. I don't know if you believe me or not, but I really do. God, it hurts sometimes to think about how much I love you. I'll be here for as long as you let me. I'll show you how much you deserve to be loved, that's my promise. Now, you need some rest okay? I'll wake you up in an hour, just in case you do have a concussion." He leaned over and kissed Kras lightly again, trying to put as much love into the kiss as he could. "I love you Krasimir Svetkova, and I don't plan on stopping, ever. Now get some sleep and I'll be right here the whole time."

"That's another thing..." Kras sighed, "I didn't mean to start yelling so much...I'm just kind of glad you couldn't understand any of vot I vos saying. I'm ashamed of half of vot I said." he bit his lip. "And I believe you, Reed. I believe you." He kissed Reed's forehead. "I feel safe ven I'm vith you. Everything is right..." he spoke sleepily, glad to finally get to go to sleep. "I'm going to go to sleep now...I love you." He snuggled close to Reed and then soon drifted off into a deep sleep.

~*~*~*~
Meanwhile...Andrei had reached the cemetery again. The rain had stopped and he slowly made his way back over to Liv's grave. Guilt plagued him but curiousity also was getting the better of him. He told himself he wouldn't look at all of the letters - it'd take too long anyway because there were really way too many of them - but he would just skim a few. Opening the box, Andrei was glad to see no rain had gotten inside due to the fact that the box wasn't locked shut. The first thing he noticed about all the letters was that they were all opened. None of them showed signs of ever having been sealed shut. Reaching in he pulled one out, separating the two halves of the rest of the letters so he could put the one he pulled out back right where it'd been. Pulling the letter out of the envelope he skimmed the neat writing, tears coming to his eyes as he read parts. After skimming that one he pulled a few more out and skimmed those as well.

It's only my first day at Durmstrang but I already made a few friends. I know you wouldn't expect anything less. You always told me I was one of the friendliest guys you had ever met. And Andrei's had a great start to the year as well. Thank goodness we're in the same dorm room. He's the only one here who really knows how I'm feeling these days.

~

You would love it here. They have the prettiest flowers in the greenhouses. You'd love them. Andrei said he'd help me sneak some out to bring back home for you to put on your grave. Isn't that nice of him?

~

I had to come home this weekend to visit with Doctor Vladislav. He's okay. It's been two years now since your death and I still can't help blaming myself. Dr. V said acceptance might help me move on...but I don't want to move on. I wish you were still here with me...and if someone HAD to die then that should have been me, because I don't think I'm good enough to live for both of us. I keep failing everyone's expectations and it kills me.

~

I turned fifteen today. Andrei, Viktor, Tolga, and I all snuck out and went to camp out in the field all day. It was fun. They even chased bumblebees with me and brought me daisies. Andrei's the only one who knows those were your favorite flowers and that I keep them close to me even more so because of that. You always used to laugh at me when I would tell you how girly they seemed...I was lying to you. I just didn't want you to know how much I loved them too.

~
Andrei replaced all the letters back in their order and picked up the one on top - the one Kras had just put in there today. Biting his lip, Andrei opened the envelope and pulled the letter out.



[which is something I'll write tomorrow cause I kept getting distracted by the Syfy channel and now it's rather late. ]

[That's okay!! Poor Kras *keeps cuddling him*]

Reed wanted to tell Kras it was okay that he yelled, and that he too was a little ashamed of some of the things he said. "Sleep love, I'll be right here the whole time." He didn't know why he felt the need to let Kras know that, but it felt important to him. "I love you so much." He kissed his forehead and held him tight as he fell asleep. Once Reed heard the slow steady breathing, he started humming softly. He was comfortable enough to fall asleep, but he didn't want to. Instead he chose to do one of his favorite things, watching Kras. He was amazed that his boyfriend could still be so breathtakingly gorgeous with a huge gash on his forehead and his face covered in tear tracks. He felt only a little creepy, watching Kras sleep like this, but he was taking his time to remember every freckle on his boyfriends face. He was cataloging every detail of Kras, from the way he sometimes crinkled his nose in his sleep, to how luscious his lips looked. Reed thought he was perfect, and it broke his heart to think that Kras thought he didn't deserve to be loved. Reed was going to keep his promise, he was gonna make Kras see. A plan was already starting to form in his head, and he smiled as he continued to watch his boyfriend.

[ooooh yay! secret plansss. haha. XD]

Andrei gazed down at the letter and decided to read it in its entirety. Apparently the letter had only just been written yesterday. Probably in the morning before they had left the school.

My dearest Liv,
Can you believe I still write to you after all these years? I know I said about the same thing in my last letter but ah well. I'm kind of sad, you would be turning eighteen tomorrow. I bet you'd be just beautiful by now...well, not that you weren't already before you died, you know. I suppose your interests would have changed since then and we wouldn't be having a birthday party that resembled a doll's house...which I know I said I didn't like because I always had to play the dad's part instead of the kid's, but I really did like it. How shameful of me, lying to you about silly stuff like that. I feel so lame knowing that I've told you all my secrets now after your death that I couldn't tell you before. Not that my ten year old self had as many secrets, but you know how it is. We just think they're so important because they seem so big to us at such a small age. I wonder if Andrei will remember it's your birthday tomorrow. I think my dad told him I'd be coming home this weekend. Maybe he'll try and come visit me. That would be nice. I haven't seen him in ages and I really miss him. I hope he doesn't mind meeting Reed, cause I'm bringing him home with me. Don't tell anyone, but since I never really understood more...I guess you could call them 'romantic' feelings? before I really met Reed, I didn't know how they felt...but now that I do know how it feels to really like someone...I think I may have had a slight crush on Andrei at one point. Maybe it was just a short little one sided thing I had. I don't know. It just feels weird thinking about that now considering I know how much I love Reed. I'm going to-

Andrei paused, fresh tears sliding down his cheeks. This was a bit much. Waaaay bit too much. But he had to continue because he wanted to finish. He skipped the next few lines though because he didn't like hearing them and they tore at his heart, especially now knowing that he might have had a chance if he had only just spoke up sooner.

[aaand I have to run for work so I'll finish the letter later. ]

As Reed lay and watch Kras sleep, another song popped into his head. He smiled to himself as he thought of the lyrics, and how perfect they were for his promise to Kras. He reached a hand out to lightly run through Kras' hair. Then he began to sing softly, barely above a whisper because he didn't want to disturb Kras, but he hoped that maybe his subconscious would get the message. Sometime Reed would sing the whole song for him, but for now, there was one part that was sticking with him.

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love
Be everything thing that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do.

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me.


[By the way, this was ALL Reed...Suddenly this song popped in my head out of nowhere, and Reed told me it was because he wanted to sing it to Kras *cuddles him*]

[Every time I read that last post I go 'awwww' <3]

As Kras slept something touched slightly at the edge of his subconsciousness, a soft voice and light words. He couldn't make out what was being said but the feeling he got from it was nice and comforting. A small smile spread on his face and he snuggled closer to the warmth radiating from the person next to him.

~*~*~*~

Andrei started reading again a few lines down, his hands trembling somewhat as he continued.

I really wish you could have met Reed. You'd have loved him. He's the kindest, adorablest, most amazing boy I have ever met, and, yeah, sometimes I don't think I deserve how much love he gives me, but it's something I want so badly... I want to live with him forever. I want to wake up with him every morning like I get to do now, and I want to have kids with him. Don't know if he'll agree to having more than one, but maybe I can persuade him somehow. Haha. I didn't forget the promise I made you the day of your funeral. I'm sure Reed wouldn't mind too much if we had a daughter and named her Livisa. If that doesn't work out...well, you always did love bunnies. I'll get one and name it after you, how about that?
So....yeah. I really do think you'd love Reed. My family is going to love him. They already do just from what they've heard from my father after I told him about Reed. Not so sure about my mom though cause I know she'd rather me marry a lovely pureblood girl. I'll have to tell her 'sorry, but I'd rather be happy then just go with what everyone expects of me'. Besides, I could never just marry some girl. You were, and still are, the only girl I would ever marry.
I don't think I'll be telling Reed the entire story of what happened that night in the old park. It makes me feel guilty because it makes it seem like I don't trust him enough. But the feelings I get from remembering that night...the failures I made...I'm just scared he'll think I'm not good enough. There's no reason I should think that. He never once thought that the day I got locked up in my wardrobe and he saw how weak I was. He even tried his hardest to get me out and then he held me while I cried. I was so pathetic. He deserves so much better. He deserves the best of everything. And sometimes I just don't think I'm the best for him, but I'm going to try to be the best. Because just thinking about him being with someone else makes me feel like someone is tearing my heart apart.
I'm sorry this is so long. Sometimes I just like to keep rambling on. I promise I'll keep writing you, okay? Because I know I should move on, but I don't want to lose the feeling that you're still with me.
And maybe I'll even bring Reed to come see you. I think he'd like that.
I love you,
now and always,
~Kras

Having finished the letter, Andrei put it back carefully into the box and locked it up. Silently he slipped the key into his pocket and turned and left. He had to go back to check on Ivan and then go and check on Reed and Kras. Plus he really wanted to talk to Reed again.

[AWWWWWWWW *wipes tears away*]

Reed saw Kras smiling in his sleep and smiled himself. He looked at the clock and realized it had been an hour since Kras had fallen asleep. He gently shook his boyfriends shoulder and whispered. "Kras, can you wake up for me? You can go back to sleep again, I just want to make sure you're okay." He kissed Kras just below his ear then pulled back to make sure Kras would wake up.

Kras groaned and shook his head. He didn't want to wake up. "Still sleepy..." he muttered and rolled over, forgetting about the gash on his head. That made him wake up. He shot up and pressed a hand to the gash lightly. "Ow...damn it...oh, sorry." He apologized. He really didn't like swearing. "Can I go back to sleep now?" Reed was a little fuzzy around the edges and Kras was sure he needed more sleep. He laid back down and grabbed Reed's hand. He held his boyfriend's hand up to his mouth and kissed each fingertip gently before starting to drift off again.

[I don't know why, but my phone won't let me text you back. I got your text, but it wouldn't let me respond ]

Reed smiled lovingly at Kras when he shook his head, but then winced when he rolled onto his gash. "Of course you can. Just hang on a second. I'll be right back." And with that he rolled off the bed, and fell but quickly got back up and went to where his bag was. He pulled out his own mini first aide kit and went back to sit next to Kras. "I'm just going to put a little anitbacterial ointment on it, then when you wake up again I want you to take some pain medication." He leaned over and kissed Kras once then started untwisting the cap on the ointment. He squeezed a little onto his finger and looked to Kras to make sure it was okay for him to rub it on his injury.

[awww that's no fun. XD I'm up now though! *flails about*]

Kras watched sleepily as Reed got some antibacterial ointment. He nodded in consent so Reed would know it was okay to apply the stuff. "Thank you." he smiled lazily. He just really wanted to go to sleep again. Maybe Reed would cuddle with him then too.

Meanwhile, Andrei had made it to Ivan's house and was glad to see Kras' father was coping well. Promising to return later, Andrei then left and headed over to Kras' apartment. When he got there he knocked just loud enough so it'd be heard.

Kras heard the knocking and sighed. He just wanted to go back to sleep. "Do you vant to get it, baby? It might just be Andrei again."

[It sucks! I got your other text too but it wouldn't let me text you back!]

Reed smiles then slowly stretches his hand out and very lightly starts rubbing the ointment in. "You can go back to sleep love. I'm almost done." He finished rubbing in the ointment when he too heard the knock at the door. "I'll get it. You get back to sleep okay. I'll be back in a little bit. I love you." He smiled again and leaned over and kissed Kras on the lips, letting himself linger for just a moment before pulling back. Then he slid off the bed and made his way to the front door. He opened it and smiled. "Hey Andrei, come in." Reed stepped aside so Andrei could enter. "Kras is resting right now. I just woke him up after sleeping for about an hour. I don't think he has a concussion, but I'll wake him in an hour again just to be safe. Did you find it?"

[aww nuuu! phone y u be so stupid? *pokes it*]

Kras closed his eyes as Reed rubbed the ointment in. It only stung a tiny bit if he bit his tongue. "Okay...I'll just...stay here. I love you too. I really do..." he yawned and snuggled down as he fell asleep again.

Andrei stepped in and and shut the door behind him. "That's good to hear. And here," he pulled the key out of his pocket, "I'd like to give it to him ven he vakes up again..." the letters were still fresh in his mind and he teared up again, suddenly reaching out and pulling Reed close to give him a big hug. "I'm sorry. It's just...been an overvhelming day." his body shook a bit as he cried. "I just vant you to know that I'm glad Kras has you. You can't ever leave him, alright? He loves you so much. You can't leave him." Andrei was jealous; he'd admit it. He wished it was himself that Kras loved and relied on, but since it wasn't him at least it was Reed and no one else.

Reed sighed in relief when Andrei pulled the key out. "Oh thank God." Then he lets out a little squeak of surprise when Andrei is suddenly hugging him and it only took him a moment before he wrapped his arms around the taller boy and started rubbing his back. He spoke softly as his heart gave a little jerk as he tried to imagine how Andrei must be feeling. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I love him so much too, and I know there will never be anyone else for me. I'm sorry, I know this must be hard for you, but I wanted to thank you. For everything. For being here and being his best friend. He really cares for you and he needs someone like you, someone that understands what he's going through." He continued to pat Andrei's back, starting to feel a tad bit exhausted from the day. It really had been a long day and Reed was trying to be strong for everyone right now, especially Kras.

"Thank you." Andrei laughed slightly through a small sob. "Sorry, I'm a mess, aren't I? At least....at least if it can't be me he's...vell, at least it's you. I know he'll be happy vith you." he stepped away awkwardly, wiping the tears from his face. "I talked to Ava from next door before I left before. She's coming over later tonight to check on you guys and she said she'd bring some dinner over. I'm sure Kras vill like that. Ivan's doing okay too. I think he's going over to Anna's house to tell her vot happened. It's good they'll at least still talk to each other..." Andrei huffed and shrugged. "Do you vant me to make you anything? I know vhere practically everything is in here. I'm sure Kras has some stuff for tea if you'd like some. Or something to eat. I'm sure you're hungry."

Reed smiled a little when Andrei stepped back. "It's okay. It's been an exhausting day. No need to apologize for anything. That's good to hear too, about Ivan going to see Anna. I know Kras said we may go see her tomorrow, or at least I want him to since she's not really, uh very approving of Kras and I." He looked down awkwardly for a moment. "But yeah. Um. I guess I am hungry." He hadn't really thought about it before now. Then he blushed a little when he thought of something that sounded like the perfect food right now. "Do you think Kras has any like, mac 'n cheese? It sounds good. And it's yellow..."

Andrei sighed. "Yeah...I heard about Anna not entirely approving of your guys' relationship. She honestly has no problem vith people who are gay...unless it's her own son apparently. I figure it's mostly because she's so determined to follow pureblood traditions and make sure the family name is carried on. That's probably another reason she doesn't approve as much. You're not a pureblood. Vell, I think Anna can deal cause she should vant vot's best for her son and vot'll make him happy, but it also should be votever Kras vants as vell. If he's not happy then she shouldn't try to force him to be." Andrei laughed as Reed asked about mac 'n cheese. "You know vot? I think he may have some. Let's look." he led the way into the kitchen and made Reed sit at the table as soon as they were in the room. "Kras told me you veren't really allowed in the kitchen because you have a tendency to get hurt, and the last thing I vant is for you to get hurt. So you sit and I'll make the food. Aaaand..." he opens a cupboard, "vot do you know, he does have mac 'n cheese." he pulls a box out and gets to work. "So...did Kras decorate your guys' dorm room with bumblebees and yellow stuff galore?"

Reed nods as Andrei talks about Anna, and he hoped that when he did meet her, he'd be able to give a good impression. "Well, I hope that I can show her sometime that I can make Kras happy." He smiled as he followed Andrei to the kitchen, immediately blushing when Andrei knew he wasn't allowed in the kitchen. "I guess it's good you came back, otherwise I would have tried. And I think I could have handled mac 'n cheese since it doesn't involve anything sharp." He giggled a little. "I guess the hot water could be an issue though." He shook his head then laughed a little more. "Yeah. There's bumble bees everywhere! But it's okay because my part of the room is covered in padding, like a crazy person. But really it's just because I fall a lot. I think I'm getting better. I've only fallen I think twice today, which has to be some sort of new record. I can deal the bees though, since he puts up with my paintings taking over. I've already decided to make some to hang in his bedroom because it's a little bare in there. Whoops. I'm rambling, sorry, I do that a lot." He blushed and looked down at his hands.