Secret Corridor in the Dungeons

[NO X-RATED STUFF HERE. There's already a dungeons for that. Leave this for normal conversation.]

Draco wandered into the corridor. He didn't have any idea what the hell was going on with Severus and he certainly hadn't received enough help on his situation with Pansy. He rested the palm of his hand on one of the darkened walls, pausing for a moment. He had no idea what he would say to convince her that he only loved her. That nobody else meant anything to him - she was the only thing he had ever needed and wanted. He began to walk again, his fingertips tracing the cold, damp walls. He wished he could be better for her. Like one of the Weasleys. Blessed with people who loved them, showering the ground their girlfriends walked upon. He should be giving Pansy those things, but the best he had given her was a necklace and hand holding. Kisses. Then he tore those away from her by sleeping with Granger. He had stopped walking again, turning to face the wall and slamming his fists on it. He rested his forehead on the wall, his hands now throbbing with pain.

[When you said Weasleys I got so confused and had to reread that to make sure it made sense. Also, that reminds me, I really do need to have Sev stop punching walls, or his hands will just be permanently disfigured or something.]

[IT MAKES SENSE, I SWEAR! And yeah, Draco hasn't abused himself enough yet.]

After leaving the hospital wing, Pansy had intended to head back down to the dungeons and grab a heavier coat than the sweatshirt she wore. It would be needed if she was going out to the lake later like she'd planned. She rounded a corner and froze in place. Draco. It was bound to happen at some point, she knew, but she'd not exactly been looking forward to it. Though he was distracted, resting against the wall, she knew she couldn't slip away without being noticed. She bit her bottom lip, trying to decide if she should say something or not. Deciding against it, she watched him warily, her heart pounding madly in her chest despite her pleas for it to calm down. It felt like she would have been able to see it pulsing through the green sweatshirt had she looked, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from him no matter how much she might have wanted to.

You never should have left home. Everyone was fine without you. Parkinson would have moved on to someone better for her. You came back and ruined it. You ruined everything. He felt like screaming. These thoughts did little to console him. He raised his head from the wall and spoke to the ceiling, to some superior being, shaking, "I get it. I fuck over everyone I love. Are you happy now that I can admit that to myself?" When he received no answer, but growing silence, he kicked at the wall. The sharp pain that overcame him didn't aid him. He latched his hands around the nape of his neck as he turned and slid down the wall, his back pressing against it. He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. The small sound of footsteps interrupted the annoying silence and his head jerked in Pansy's direction. Something caught in his throat as he stared at her. Had she seen him talk to himself? Had she seen him act like a maniac? Ah, fuck. What do I say? Obviously, he couldn't just say nothing. He rooted himself to the floor and thought for a moment. Was she a figment of his imagination? No. He turned back to face her and spoke, calmly, "Hey Parkinson..." He struggled to smirk, but found himself failing. It was more a fake half-smile.

Her breath caught in her lungs when he said her name. Parkinson, just like before. Like when they laughed together and everything was fine, before all this shit happened. She tried to relax her face, knowing she was probably narrowing her eyes too much. "Hey." It was all she managed, but it was more than she'd expected, almost unable to find her voice. She took a few tentative steps forward, slow at first before sucking it up and going to sit across from him, a few feet away. Her eyes searched his face for a brief moment before she looked away, tracing outlines of stones on the ground, watching a spider scurry along a deep crack. She tried to focus on staying calm. She didn't care, she couldn't love him, it didn't matter. She realized as much as she told this to herself, she wasn't sure she could ever really believe it.

[*creeper is creeping hoping for hugs and love, but knowing it should take a lot more than one talk to win Pansy over*]

Draco watched her walk over. The tone of her voice was as he had expected it to be. The reluctant steps over to him were exactly as he had pictured. She distanced herself from him and he wondered if Severus had told him the truth. He refused to look her in the eyes, for fear that it wasn't true. You shouldn't want it to be true. You want what's best right? The voice hissed in his head and he pushed it away. If he wanted to be told he was a terrible person, all he had to do was contact multiple people in the school. The entire Weasley family would definitely step up for the challenge. He clenched and unclenched his fists, unsure of how to continue this conversation. Was this even a conversation? He looked back up at her, watching her move her fingers across the floor. He remembered those fingers filling the spaces between his and was willing to give up everything to feel that again. He leaned his head back against the wall. Problem was, that wasn't saying a lot since he had nothing anymore. He cleared his throat, "So..." Nothing came out of his mouth. His lack of creativity was showing itself at last. He frowned as he stared at the ceiling, "We have to talk about this sometime, don't we?" The corner of his mouth twitched. Hoping that she wouldn't take off running.

[Sev.... the fact you posted "creeper is creeping" made me very happy]

*creeper is creeping*

Pansy reached up and rubbed her finger over her eye, hoping it came off as just itchy instead of trying to force back inside a tear that had attempted an escape. She tried to gather her thoughts, organize what was going on in her head, but it was impossible at this point. Her heart and mind were split in so many directions, trying to figure out what was the best option. She couldn't decide between going with her heart, giving it another shot, blind, careless, hoping it was worth it. Every time that option popped up though, her mind shot it down, knowing how stupid it was, how reckless and idiotic it sounded. She should know better than do that again, and she shouldn't let him back in so easily. Unable to bring her eyes up to his face, she ended up staring at the hem of his jeans, the lace of his shoe. "I guess we do." She was afraid of talking too much, saying too much. It might let her spill her feelings to him, open her up for another heartbreak, which she hoped to desperately avoid despite the fact that she loved him more than she ever cared to admit. "What's happened to us, Draco? When did it all fall to shit?" When did you stop caring? She knew, maybe, he never stopped caring. Why did you make me think you'd changed, and fall right back to who you were? Why give me hope and tear it away, why try and be what you can never be? Pointless questions she need not speak aloud.

[-is creeping- The weddings starting also... just saying]

Luna Lovegood wrote:[-is creeping- The weddings starting also... just saying]

[*is now in two places at once* Yay weddings!]

Draco Malfoy wrote:[...The Script isn't bad either. The Man That Can't Be Moved. Yeah, go Irish bands.]

[Also. Just fell in love with that song, and can't believe I've managed somehow to miss out on them until now.]

[I can't be in 2 places at once. I'm using my phone since my parents forced me to watch this movie with them.]

He noticed she wouldn't look him in the eye. He should have expected that, but he wanted her to look at him. He wanted them to be alright, but he knew that could never happen. He stared at her, running his hand over his face, "You never went to shit, Pansy. I was the one who ruined everything..." His head began to pound as he shifted uncomfortably, "I never stopped caring for you Pansy. I'm not one to be comfortable with anything good in my life. When it's good, I become afraid," He knew it sounded like bullshit, but it was coming from Draco Malfoy - the cheating piece of shit. "I was drunk. I ruined everything between us over someone who doesn't matter to me. I know that it will take my entire life to make this up to you, and I'm willing to do that,". He sighed, "You're the only person I've ever loved. The one person I want to be with, especially when I'm sober."

She finally looked up at him, meeting his grey eyes. Unsure what to say with so many thoughts forcing their way forward, she took a deep breath before she answered him. "Draco, I shouldn't have let it get so far, anyway. I should have known. I should have seen this coming and stopped it before it ruined us. I shouldn't have let myself..." she couldn't finish. It'd just hit her, the last thing he said. He loved her, only her, wanted to be with her. Her mind was buzzing, words incoherent. She tried to ignore it, to not let it complicate things further for her. It wasn't that easy.

Draco felt himself grow angry with her response. His fist clenched, "None of this is your fault, don't you understand?" He looked into her eyes, pleading, "You could never have done what I've done. You are perfect and you wouldn't be who I love if you had done anything else," He wanted to stand up, walk over, and hug her, but it was too soon, "I'm not suggesting you take me back, I'm just telling you how I feel. I'm a shitty person, I can't change that even when I try. The only thing that kept me going was you. Still is you. You don't have to be with me, but don't give up on me."

[And I'm glad you like The Script! Their song Breakeven is good too]

[-is nomming on her popcorn excitedly- Actually, I'm nomming on my fortune cookie excitedly... YAY CHINESE TAKE OUT!]

Pansy shook her head. "Draco, I am far from perfect, and you're seriously mistaken if you think so. I don't know how you love me, all I know is that its the best feeling knowing that you do." She paused, not believing she'd said it out loud. That wasn't what she'd planned at all, not that she'd planned anything in the first place. "I can't live without you around, you should know that by now. I've followed you like some stupid puppy, all these years. It's a wonder you never got tired of me. But I'm always around for you." She sighed and slid a little closer, leaning over her knees. "Good or bad, some things can never change, Draco."

[my dad made shiitake fried rice tonight.... I'm happy..... also I LOVE BREAKEVEN.... such a great song]

[btw... AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW............ you two are ADORABLE.....]

[Mmm shitake mushrooms! -runs to get more food- I actually don't like that song. It's the only one of their's I've heard. *shrug*]

[it was reeeaaaaaaalllllllyyyyy good.... *sneaks off to get more*]

[You could listen to Snow Patrol instead & I'll reply to Pansy when I get back on my computer. My parents are being assholes.]

[-sigh- Panco needs to happen.]