The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black

Mya uses her Pureblood account to post, because the Muggle-born one would stick out like a sore thumb around here.
"Hello everyone!"

Milli greams when her betrothed walks in, and we will pretend that was seconds ago instead of hours. *kicks band* Anyway, her face falls as she is only addressed by name. "Is that really how you greet your fiancee?" she asks, all hurt and such. "This is how it's done." Milli skips over to Cissa with another big smile on her face, flings an arm around her shoulder, and plants a loud kiss on Cissa's cheek. "'Ello, love, how was your day?" She looks up as Joel and Molly enter and waggles her fingers at them in greeting, arm still around Cissa.

And I'm pretty much dead after writing that. Excuse me while I rotfldm.

Nikki skipped back in with a bloody knife in her hair and blood all over her hands and clothes. "Cissa, I killed the family of the Muggle who insulted your hair. Tasteless idiots should not waste my oxygen. And I won't get caught, I made it look like a fashion police kill. Really, they were wearing plaid and stripes! How absolutely horrid! We should have terminated their existence ages ago."

Joel stokes the fire and then sits in a comfy chair, pushing his spectacles up his nose and reading a yaoi. He was dressed in a black robe and and fatherly stuff, all in purple and black. He smiled serenely at Cissa and Nikki, deciding that a knife in her hair was a good fashion statement that would surely catch on, because they were Blacks and they fucking pwned. Joel thinks it's funny his teacher used to play WoW addictively and knows what pwned means. Anyway. He decided that he needed to grope have sex with bribe see if a hot fashion designer would pick up this impeccably elegant and amazing style. After he finished reading about a cartoon getting his ass pounded by a bulky seme.

Nikki skipped past Joel, kissing him on the cheek, before heading to her room to get the blood off her clothes and body. She wasn't going to de-bloodify the knife, because a bloody knife can be explained away by cooking. "If anyone needs me, I shall be in my wing."

Joel smiled serenely as only he can, and then passed out.

"Whoa! I love my huge family. So... Sammiches, anyone? Thank you, Kreacher. Here's a cookie for you. That's it. Now run along and polish my whips some more, and make sure my toys are clean, Kreacher," says Eowyn, sending Kreacher away. "How is everyone!?"

Nikki raced down to give her Mama Eowyn a hug. "I missed you Mother!" She twirled to show her the bloody knife in her hair. "I took care of those stupid Muggles who insulted Cissa."

"Wonderful! You'll make a strong Mistress," said Eowyn, hugging her daughter. "But always, always, always remember to clean your blade! I don't want any blood stains if I'm to give you my baby," she continued, patting the dagger attached at her hip. "Always wipe the blood, polish her daily and sharpen her twice as often."

"Not fair," Milli grumbles, glaring. "You should have taken me with. After all, Cissa IS my fiancee. I'm going to be your sister one day!"

"Milli love, we can revive them and then kill them again."

"Nikki! What have I told you! You never want to see the dead walk again, unless it's Inferi, and even then, I don't like them. Look what happened to Uncle Regulus!" Eowyn scowled and shook her head.

Joel wakes up when his wife comes in and runs and jumps on her because he loves her so much and misses her a ton and as soon as she gets on here he's about to leave to get new earbuds which saddens him and OMFG they took off the good music but oh well. Anyway he nods at Nikki and her amazing awesome fashion statement and then twirls and dances back to his chair and automatically passes out again.

Eowyn blinks. "Goodnight, sweetie!" she says happily, kissing her husband on the cheek and handing him a teddy bear. "Girls, a man is never too old for a teddy bear. Learn it now, it'll get you places."

Wow. This feels a bit like either a strange sorority house or a daycare center. I can't decide which.
They're sort of the same thing, after all.

*stares*
It's just a house, Pans.
A home.

Home.
I've heard the word before,
but it never meant much more
than just a thing I've never had.

A NEW DAY. A FRESH DAY.
IN THE BLACK HOUSE. YUP.

A large chunk of wall is now missing where Walburga's portrait was. "God, I hate that bitch! She never shuts up. Good riddance. Kreacher! Mummy Eowyn needs some blueberry pancakes! She's hungry!"

No, no, no! Ask anyone, Luna makes the best pancakes of all time...OF ALL TIME. And Luna always wakes up early so the pancakes are already made and on the table with Canadian syrup because it's awesome. "Wifeyyyy" Luna clings to her wife like a koala because she's missed her lots and lots.

AWWWWWWWWW! "Nevermind Kreacher! For like, ten seconds there, I forgot how awesome my wifey is. WIFEY!!!!" Eowyn snuggles her koala wife and pats her. "Love you, wifey. Where are the daughters and DILs? And is our husband still sleeping?"

Milli skips downstairs cause she spent the night bonding with her soon to be sister in laws. "Mummies!" she screams and clings.

"I love you too, Wifey! Joely is sleeping because that's what Joelies do. Elise is off doing school stuff like a good girl. Cissa is at the dentist. Dom is off doing bad things like the party animal she is. And Milli is right there! HI MILLI!" Luna waves and clings to her wife and future daughter-in-law.

"Milli darling! I haven't gotten YOU a pet yet! I got my wife a stallion, your bethrothed a pony, my heiress a dire wolf and one for myself. Now it's just you, Elise, and Kendra! What should I get you, hm? Obsidian! To me!" Eowyn's giant, black dire wolf bounds up, and it's bigger than she is, because dire wolves are fucking badass. It glowers warily at the others, but Eowyn calms him down. "No. Friends, Obsidian. Family are friends, not food!"

Milli releases her mummies for a split second to stare at Mummy Eowyn wide eyed for a second, then clings again. "I get a pet?? Ooooo, can I get a Chinese Fireball please??" She blinks up at them with these eyes:

Joel snores loudly and then jerks up, yanking his wand out. He points the 13" holly wand at muggles across the street and crucios until they die. He's in a rage, his red hair looking fiery and his eyes are flashing and he kills them with the cruciatus, then destroys all traces of their bodies. He then storms into the kitchen to stuff his face with comfort food.