Beach by the Hogwarts Lake

That makes sense!

"Ok! See you later Dee!" She called after her as Dee rushed off. "Strange..." She shrugged it off and lay back, enjoying the weather.

The Old Spice Man is here.
He's on a horse.

Viktor is on a walk when he sees an incredibly manly man...On a horse. Viktor is sad that he left his broom at the dorm. He stands up all tall and manly-like before he says, "Hello."

Old Spice Man sees a manly man that is not nearly as manly as he is, because no matter how much he tries, he will never measure up to this:



"Hello, he who is not a lady. Look up. Look down. You're on a boat, with the man your man could smell like," he says in the manliest voice you have ever heard except Prince Charming in Into the Woods and lo and behold, we are in fact on a boat now. We're fucking wizards.

Viktor isn't shocked that they're on a boat because that shit happens when you smell like a man and not a lady. He tries not to laugh at the thought of Regulus wearing Old Spice. Just no. "Yeah...My man is actually a lady," he says with a nod. "He vares lady-scented body vash all the time."

"Look at your man. Now look back at me. Now back at your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me. But if he stopped using lady scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he's me," replies the Old Spice Man.

Oh my god I could do this for years.
I may drop Snape to play him in 2.0.

Hahahahahaha! Inner!Lucius just pouted.

"No, no. I'm pretty sure that if he vore Old Spice, the vorld vould stop turning. He just can't handle it, sadly," he said as he shook his head and Alex refrains from using a shaking of the head GIF.

"Should he use Old Spice body wash? I don't know. Do you like the smell of adventure? Do you want a man who smells like he can bake you a gourmet cake in the dream kitchen he built you with his own hands? Of course you do," says the Old Spice Man.

"I do, but he can't make anything in the kitchen. And he can't build anything vith his own hands. He'll chip his nail polish," he explains feeling completely fascinated by everything the Old Spice man has to say. It was as if he had heard it before.

"Does he know that women and men prefer Old Spice for their men one bajillion times more than lady-scented body washes? Does he know that I am riding this horse backwards? YAH!" Old Spice Man is indeed back on the beach, riding his horse backwards. "Clearly, your man is not an Old Spice Man. You, however, look like the kind of man that my man's man would smell like. In other words, me."

Viktor watches the Old Spice man ride his horse backwards the same way Viktor can ride his broom. Woah. "Of course I vare Old Spice. It's the only scented body vash that touches this body," he says firmly as he gestures to his own manly self while wishing Kingsley was here to share this moment with him.

"Your man's man is not me, but he does smell like me, and therefore not all hope is lost. What is your name, fellow manly man?" asks the Old Spice Man. "And how do you live your life, knowing that with your lady-scented man, you will never have adult love time with your man at 60,000ft in a hot air balloon powered by your man breathing fire to keep it arise?"

I LOVE HIS RESPONSE VIDEOS, I DO.

Viktor dies because that sounds fucking awesome, but the only other manly man who wears Old Spice in this school is Kingsley. The straight guy. The one Molly likes. Well fuck. "My name," he says dramatically. "Is Viktor Fucking Krum. International Quidditch Player. And as fun as that sounds, my man and my man's man have had plenty of adult love time in unusual places. Undervater for example."

[lol this is ridic xD xD]

"Oh, but you will never experience a seven course candlelit dinner at the earth's core, created by a menagerie of tuxedo magma men, but don't feel too bad, Viktor Krum. Perhaps you and your man can spend special time picking out floral stationary, or share some laughs while dress shopping," says Old Spice Man, flashing his Old Spice Smile.

WHAT MADNESS I AM WRITING MY REPLY WHEN MATT WALKS IN AND PUTS ON OLD SPICE AND THEN LEAVES, OBLIVIOUS TO WHAT I AM DOING.
BULLSHIT. YOU ARE NOT THE MAN I WISH MY MAN WOULD SMELL LIKE.

Also that last one was probably my favorite response video of his, ever.

OMG HAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHH

Viktor dies. He will not be dress shopping. Nope. "I- Vell, you see..." Viktor Krum is speechless. "But-- There is no von here as manly as I am! I'll just have to do all those things alone!"

ALSO
I HAVE TO GO FOR 15 MINUTES
I'LL BE BACK
-flails and runs-

"Is that so? Okay, let's get down to business, Viktor Krum who believes he is a manly man. There are five questions, and only five acceptable answers. Number one, are you a man? Number two, are you as swift as a coursing river? Number three, do you have all the force of a great typhoon? Number four, have all the strength of a raging fire? Number five, are you mysterious as the dark side of the moon?" asks the Old Spice Man, as Eowyn dies at seeing that response video, because it made her day complete.

[I ALMOST GOT THAT MOVIE FROM THE LIBRARY OMFG. MAN I WISH I HAD.]

Viktor blinks and gives all these questions about a millisecond of thought. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes," he says firmly. "All of those pretty much describe me pretty perfectly."

"Wrong. The correct answers are yes, obviously, of course, more so actually, and yes, but mostly in the winter cool months. Clearly, your man's man is not me," says the Old Spice Man, and that horse is now diamonds, as he is standing beside Viktor in a manly pose. "But that is okay, because-- MONOCLE SMILE!" -insert monocle smile here- "There can only be one Old Spice Man. And I'm on a boat. So long, Viktor Krum." The Old Spice Man is now gone.

Never fear. He shall return.

Viktor blinks and walks back to his dorm to tell Kingsley of his adventures, and this is a lame post but I'm not in the mood to write a good one right now, so it'll have to do. Luna loves Eowyn lots and lots.

Regulus is walking along the beach at night in a t-shirt, though he does still have the scarf 'round his neck. Most of the marks are covered, but if the moonlight is bright enough, you can see his raw wrists. He looks insanely depressed. I almost feel bad... WAIT LOL NO I DON'T.

I DON'T. HE'S A BITCH.

Viktor is walking along after his talk with Hermione, looking quite pissed off. He looks up and sees someone walking. Someone with a--Shit. That's Regulus' scarf. Viktor hesitates for a moment before walking up behind Regulus and standing there as he waits for the cheating, muggleborn hating jerk to turn around. "Regulus," he says rather coldly as he waits for a reaction.