Applecalypse Staging Ground

They may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FRUIT TREES!

The countdown to Applecalypse has begun [again].

Buckbeak stalked the orchard battlements, observing his fine bunch. Yes, they were just about ripe for victory. Buckbeak himself was run down and out of juice; this campagin put a squeeze on his berries and fruit puns with bite were getting harder to think of.

"Roll-up!" he wanted to roar, but he was a bird moster and simply couldn't. He would inspect his troops before battle as he would suspect his nemesises to do too.

The Apple Offensive would fall today!
[Or probably over the course of a few days, since I am gonna bugger off now. I hope James isn't still mad at me.]

[The Apple Offensive will never fall]

[So I've decided to join this, I'm assuming I must pick a side, please persuade me.]

[Well as far as I can tell there are two and a half sides to this fruity conflict.

The Apple Offensive is lead by the Applelady Apolline and Jealous James. They employ the great space dragon Sookybaskets the Poor Loser and are villanous to the [apple] core. They would suggest preserving apples and call our quite nessecary methods 'geno-cider'.

The Other Guys, which may go by the misleading and subjective name Fruits-That-Are-Nice are guardians of the delicious and wholesome fruit threatened by the very existance of the Apple Offensive. Our goal is to rid the world of these meddlesome apples and bring about a new dawn of pears and prosperity, among other fruit. Many have joined the forces for apple suppression, among them Dr Lastrange: the Mad Apple Pie Scientist and Lieutenant Hagrid .

Side parties have emerged, who their allegiance will sway to is yet to be determined. Feel free to join a side and come up with a callsign.]

Buckbeak spies a stranger on the horizon. Be this friend or foe?

John saw a strange but beautiful creature in the distance.

[Hmm. I really like apples, but my name is appleMUNCHER not applePROTECTOR]

"You're not one of THEM are you? The offensive?"

Buckbeak was wary of the stranger, but this man's distaste for the Apple Offensive was clear.

Buckbeak swept a wing back over his waiting troops, their banners fluttered in the wind. Depictions of squashed apples, glorious grapes and delicious dates hung from battle standards. This man would fit right in; and Buckbeak's victory would be all that much nearer.

Buckbeak let his guard down and returned to his command hut. His forces would march soon, but for every soldier joining his ranks so too would one join the Offensive.

[I was trying to get a poll on which side should emerge victorious, but I think I fail at this site.]

[Need help]

John walked into the camp. Yes, the place to defeat the offensive would be right here. Apples deserved to make way for other fruits.

The time for battle will come, but for now we chill.

"Indeed we do." John said pulling out a chilled firebeer.

Buckbeak is glad that John can read his thoughts. It makes the language barrier easier to bypass. Oh the woes of a hippogriff.

[OH SNAP. This does not bode well. *flails wildly*]

John realizes hippogriffs can't talk and he must be reading its thoughts. "Hmm, well this is going to be interesting." he says to nobody.

Dr. Lestrange Ro walked into the camp. He had successfully hid the apples for his experiments.

Buckbeak glanced over the documents and maps in his command tent. An assault on Hogwarts itself would be suicide. Which is why the Offensive will never suspect it. After all, the only way to defeat a good offense is have a more good offense. After all, their armies recived only half as much potassium per fruit as our banana powered super soliders. [Feel free to have read that in Zapp Brannigan's voice.]

The Doctor had been busy, the calculations and pie charts he left in his tent made victory almost assured. Buckbeak would savor his triumph when it came.

[Avacados are like super good for you and have twice as much potassium as well as more vitamins than a banana, but I suppose they are a little bit bigger and don't taste sweet.]

Buckbeak would see the Doctor now to discuss his battle plan, this waiting around had little a-peel to him.

"Kwark!" he beckoned, keeping his back to the tent flaps.

Ro quickly ran into the tent. "I've calculated that if we were to have a small party here-"Ro points to a place on one of the maps," and another party hidden here-" He points to a different spot on the map. "then we might have a chance to suprise them."

Buckbeak gives a haughty squawk. The Doctor truly was a genius!

Shifting the battle tokens to their new positions on the map, Buckbeak grew pensive. He would have to lure the Offensive into his trap personally. It was a risky move, but the Offensive would not possibly risk their own forces for anyone of lower command.

Applemuncher and Lestrange would be needed in the upcomming battle, they were born leaders and true believers in whatever it was that we are supposed to be doing. They would lead the counter-counter-attack.

And Buckbeak was glad that Lestrange and himself diddn't die to Sassy before because that would be bad.

Buckbeak wrote: The Doctor truly was a genius!

[I better be, otherwise my name's not Dr. Shedon Lee Cooper Rodolphus Lestrange.]

Buckbeak fell asleep because he was narcoleptic.

Dr. Lestrange began to make apple pie experiment with apples that were lying around. He kept one of to the side, drew a smiley face on it, and called it Phred.

John ran in with apples following him, flailing because they wouldn't stop.

Ro sees John run in with a whole bunch of apples. Ro quickly hides Phred, his apple assistant.

John ducks as the apples had gained momentum and hit the side of buckbeak with force.

Ro ducks because you do not want to insult a hippogriff especially by hitting it with apples.

John hides behind Ro. "Didn't do it." he mumbles.

Ro hide underneath a table with Phred, his apple-assistant, so there was no more room under the table.