The Pansy Protection Police

-Clambers over Scorp to get to Pansy-

No no. I love you the most. IN A FRIEND WAY. Not

And Draco... -clutches crotch- I just cant do that. How would I get a job without my PHD?

*SHOVES BLAISE AWAY*

FINE OPTION THREE- WE KILL YOU

NOW PICK A DOOR BLAISE

ONE
TWO
OR
THREE

Can I phone a friend?

*runs in Pocahontas style and flings self on Blaise*
IF YOU WANT TO KILL HIM, YOU'LL HAVE TO KILL ME TOO. *dramatic hair-mess over-the-shoulder stare*

*PULLS PANSY ASIDE AND CASTRATES BLAISE*

THERE LOOK

HE'S ALL ALIVE AND NOW HE'S NOT DANGEROUS

GOOD DEAL?

and yes Blaise if you must you can phone any friend who IS NOT PANSY.

-Gets out phone book and flips through it-

No... Thats you.. Thats Scorp... and Pansy.

Uh. I only have three friends. You, Scorp and Pansy. We have an issue here.

ALSO I CANT BELIEVE YOU CASTRATED ME! BASTARD!

REPARO! Its never going to be the same again.

This...is getting ridiculous.
I SAY WE DON'T KILL HIM. I don't agree with Death Eater ways *stares*

I didn't kill him! I just eliminated the threat! <3

And I am always ridiculous dear.. that's what I do.

BLAISE MIGHT I SUGGEST DOOR TWO? THE ONE THAT INVOLVES A CERTAIN VOW THAT YOU CAN UPHOLD SO AS TO RETAIN YOUR MANHOOD?

BUT I MIGHT BREAK IT AND I DONT WANT TO LOSE MY WINKY AGAIN.

I chose option 4. That if I do step out of line you can kick my arse. Okay. Good.

-Puts on aviators- Now who am I fucking up?

... *watches INCREDIBLY CLOSELY* You put one TOE OUT OF LINE AND I AM CUTTING YOUR WINKY OFF
*laughs at the 209384092384092348 HP quotes and puns in that one sentence*

CURRENTLY WE ARE ON SIRIUS WATCH

Draco Malfoy wrote:CURRENTLY WE ARE ON SIRIUS WATCH

-sharpens knives, battle axes, katanas, broadswords, torturing devices...-

*offers bare hands because those seem to be pretty functional as well*
WAIT. I DON'T GET TO BE MY OWN PROTECTOR DO I?
This group seems like I'm being treated like some sixteen year old girl who doesn't know how many boys want her in a broom closet. And that's just preposterous.

*STARES*

*STARTS HUMMING SOUND OF MUSIC*

I find it ironic that the chief is the one who has hit her the most.
I am just saying.

HUSH HUSH

*HAS LEARNT THE ERROR OF MY WAYS*

*IS NOW SUPER PARANOID AND PROTECTIVE*


ALSO PPP THIS IS OUR SONG